Man Talking Man Stuff!!!
Thursday, 13 September 2018
Looking over the Horizon
Looking over the Horizon, seeing the
ominous clouds set over a twilight sky, what treasures exist behind the
weather, what life can be led stepping into the unknown.
The sky beckons, the clouds beckon, the
storm beckons and the peace beckons.
Somewhere, somewhere out there, lies
love, lies God clothed in mystery, wrapped in jealousy, hidden from our eyes,
lost to our hearts.
It rains softly, God weeps, but God is
smiling too. He hears my lonely prayer, my quiet complaint, my heart's desire,
and He smiles ...
Over the Horizon my beloved waits for
me, softly, silently, patiently ...
Friday, 23 September 2016
Decent Men Come Last
All those who know me, friends, not
so much my family as there isn’t so much of us left, and even acquaintances,
know that I have issues with women. They are not so serious anymore, and I pray
regularly about it. It is mixed up with a lot regrets, sadness and what
might-have-beens.
It has been said many times, that
decent men, genuine men, even shy men and men who wear their hearts on their
sleeves, come last. All the ladies say they want a decent man to care about
them and treat them right, get married and have children with and be loved and
cherished and cared for. But that’s all baloney, right??! Women, and it seems there are multitudes of
them, go for bad boys, what I like to call, possibly slightly nastily, the ‘beaters,
cheaters and down the streeters’, men who beat women, cheat on them and
disappear down the street and turn up again when they feel like it.
I used to feel jealous of such guys, they way
they didn’t care one way or the other about the women who would seem to throw
themselves at them and cling on to those men, when I couldn’t even get a woman
to look at me no matter what I did. Now, I tend to think that such
relationships as they are, are really two self destructive people coming into
each other’s orbit, with mutually assured destruction as the result. This is
not self righteous judgement, and it is not just blaming the woman for being
stupid or the bloke for being a predatory a**ehole, either. But, being that
decent men are usually a little more sensitive, a little more shy, a little
more genuine, not in every case obviously, but generally, the decent men are
either pushed aside by women, ignored one too many times or simply switch off
from the whole overplayed dating game/cattle market scene and stop looking. So,
the decent men disappear leaving the field wide open for the bad boys. The
women, who say in one breath they ‘really really would like to find a decent
caring man’ but perversely choose a nasty one get what they want, the bad boys
who treat women dreadfully get what they want, and the decent men and decent
women for that matter leave the field like dejected heroes and heroines, the
knight without a fair maiden, and the fair maiden without a knight.
Dramatic? Well, love is dramatic,
and being hurt in this sphere of life can leave deep emotional pain and cast
long shadows over our lives. It certainly has over mine. God has allowed me to
suffer. ‘11 O afflicted one,
storm-tossed, and not comforted, I am about to set your stones in antimony, and
lay your foundations with sapphires. 12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
your gates of jewels, and all your wall of precious stones. 13 All your children
shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the prosperity of your
children. 14 In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from
oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near
you.’ (Isaiah 54:11-15) Even when God allows you and me to suffer, even
suffer grievously and for a very long time, there is a purpose and there will
be a good outcome to it all. It may not feel like it at the time, but as long
as we have faith in God, and keep the channels of communication open, He will
deliver us. His promises are not empty promises, believe me. Better still,
believe Him.
I want to talk about something that
has made me think for a while. It involves unrequited love, a well known
English bank, me and a little lady. This is not meant to be funny, and nor is
it upsetting really. But this is often the kind of ‘romantic dalliance’ I have
had throughout my life. In the past, this did upset me greatly. Now, I tend to
reflect on the whole matter a bit more. I have had a few nice girlfriends, I
dillied and dallied a little on the singles scene, which in the UK is often not
much more than going out with your mates (this is pretty much the same for
groups of men or women), getting drunk, sometimes gloriously so, and hoping to
meet someone of the opposite sex for laughs, tickles and maybe more, after the
bacchanalian orgy that has just commenced. It’s understandable that by the time
many of us hit our late 20s or early 30s, we get somewhat fed up with the whole
British dating scene as it is. I certainly did, and many years ago.
Suffice to say, it isn’t really a
great way to meet someone. It’s a great way to get drunk, sleep around
(sometimes) and get drawn into an ever decreasing circle of diminishing
returns. And, although on the surface it can all seem like one long party time,
in the end it is emptiness. It is also often the pursuit of people who don’t really
have values or a genuine purpose in life, and may end up in a person pursuing
an addictive lifestyle, which I would say ultimately ends in self destruction
of some kind and starts with a person pursuing an illusion, of which the more
they seek the less real it becomes.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I was
in a branch of my local NatWest bank about a year ago or so, and needed help
with a password for something involving the bank and a bonus scheme to collect
points for elephant safaris or spending a romantic evening with Bill Clinton,
or something, and I needed to ask one of the bank tellers, which I did. Now,
both these bank workers (we don’t say bank tellers in the UK!) I know by face
quite well, and they are both female and I have to say I found them, and still
do, very attractive women, demure, obviously hard working, intelligent, the
type of women most men really want to meet, be with, spend time with and fall
in love with. Now, so far so good. I have to be perfectly honest, I liked both
of them and wished somehow I could talk to either one of them and go on a date,
but that seemed highly unlikely. I don’t know why, really. It’s not even so
much shyness as how, when and why. I think most people know what I mean there.
Anyway, there was also something else, too, which I found a little strange, and
with this we get to the nub of the story. One of the women there that I liked
is quite petite and has a very pretty face, the type of woman I have thought
wouldn’t give me a second look most of the time. In this case, it seemed to be
the same. Each time I came into the bank, not only wouldn’t this bank worker
look at me, she actually seemed to make a point of never meeting my eyes at all
and looked away from me every time I entered the bank. I figured quite
naturally and understandably that she had no interest whatsoever in me and gave
it little thought, other than I found her attractive and wanted to know her.
This went on for a few months, until the aforementioned password incident,
where I asked the other woman for help, and then Adele came out, told me her
name and said she would help me if I came in again. It was only later that I
suspected she might have been breaking the ice, but at the same time I was so
used to being literally ignored by her that I didn’t give it a second thought.
What I am really curious about is,
why if in the end she liked me, which I never once suspected, didn’t she at
least look at me, even a little smile? I am truly confused about the way many
women work when it comes to romance. It seems they can stand next to a guy,
glance occasionally, even pretend to ignore someone, but it seems beyond so
many women just to say hello. I will also say this too. I think many men these
days when they see an attractive woman they like, are unsure whether to
approach, not just through fear of being rejected or making a fool of
themselves, but also the bigger fear of being accused of being a pest or
stalker. I am being serious here. The accepted norm of romance is the man has
to approach the woman and put himself in the firing line, so to speak. Many
women can be hostile in this situation, for no apparent reason, or humiliate
the man, or just be unpleasant. Obviously this can be exacerbated by alcohol
which is why I don’t drink socially anymore and I don’t go to pubs or clubs
anymore either. But women seem to think that it is easy for men to make the
first move. Sometimes it isn’t.
So I believe truly decent men come
last in love and often many other things, but I’m fine with that now. Not that
I’m the most decent or perfect man, nor do I think it is any different for
decent women, but as a Christian I accept the world the way it is, fallen and
corrupt and we as human beings, whatever we do or believe and however we act,
morally or immorally, are going to be or certainly have been victims of a
fallen world. So, there has to be forgiveness for people and we all have to
make allowances as others make allowances for us. We also have to forgive, as
God forgives us.
So, very often decent men do come
last. But sometimes, good things come to those who wait patiently. God will
reward all those who put faith and hope in Him, and of course remain faithful
to Him too.
‘30 ...many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.’
(Matthew 19:30)
Update as of 17th September, 2018:
A year ago, or thereabouts, I started talking online to a very beautiful, sexy and intelligent Christian Filipina woman. This April, I visited her in the Philippines, because we both wanted to see how we felt about each other face to face. I fell head over heels in love with her, and thank God she did with me, once we met! I love her passionately, I think she is sexy, beautiful, young looking for her age, even though she is still young anyway(!), I love her funny family, and I love her friends, and I love the Philippines and I love Filipino food!!! Oh, I love her cat, Parker, too. He reminds me of me, but I can't really say why??!
God has brought me the perfect woman for me, and I won't lie, I prayed for a woman with beauty on the inside and beauty on the outside! But, so what? I love the bones of her, and I am going to marry her. So, there is a happy ending, and though often decent men, and decent women too, may come last and be pushed aside by the arrogant, self important status and money seeking types, patience has brought me my soulmate, lover, mother of our children and life partner, and there is a happy ending, after all.
Friday, 9 September 2016
John Eldredge and Masculine Christianity
Political correctness in the last
twenty years or so, and perhaps quite a lot longer in some forms, has seen the
explosion of diversity and multiculturalism and the promotion of many ethnic
minority rights and other what are seen as minority rights, too. Masculinity
particularly has been attacked, diminished and sidelined, and in some senses so
too have men. White men are a kind of all purpose bogeyman now, and to be
honest some of that is not without reason. Men in general have been on the
receiving end of all kinds of societal anger, resentment and hate, again, not
without some justification. Masculine values and ideals are also under fire
from many quarters too, and are seen as a problem. Of course, many men from all
walks of life, ethnic backgrounds and many countries feel marginalised, and
probably many women feel that it is not before time. Of course, within this
fall other factors such as class, racism, nationalism and other things, not all
men being equal after all. But, in short, men, masculinity and masculine values
seem almost superfluous, almost redundant and not needed anymore. Men have
become emasculated.
Now some people, even some men, may
say the emasculation of men is not before time, and the feminisation of society
is a welcome change. Some may even say that more women in power, in positions
of authority and in politics, business and other spheres of human activity that
have often been the sole preserve of usually powerful wealthy upper and middle
class white men is a good thing, too. But, to be fair, many institutions tend
to be dominated by men whoever they are and whatever background they come from.
Working class masculinity is
portrayed as negatively, and usually often as erroneously as racists portray black
people or Jews or immigrants, or virulent sexists portray men or woman, or
homophobes portray those who are gay. The working class are almost always
portrayed by middle class writers or journalists or opinion formers, and very
rarely portrayed by those who are or have working class backgrounds themselves.
This often results in what are really extremes being portrayed as normal, so we
either have the shaven headed, tattoo covered thug with can of strong beer in
hand, or sometimes the saintly version who bears up and remains cheerful no
matter how crap things are. One thing most of those writers seem to forget is we
are all just human beings at the end of the day. But working class masculinity
is seen now as almost completely negative. Of course, many of us rebel against
this, but those of us who are smart, rebel in a smart way by being more
masculine, looking more masculine, not being afraid to be men, and even grow
beards these days! Men should be men. Women should be women. Never the twain
shall meet!? Well, no, not exactly.
The real perniciousness of course
is that the supposedly clever, informed and clued up in the media, politics and
the world of academia, particularly in the US and the UK, instead of
challenging stereotypes and prejudices either pretend they don’t exist, subtly
and sometimes not so subtly go along with those prejudices and don’t allow any
real debate on issues around class discrimination, racism, sexism, homophobia
and the like unless it comes from a very narrow politically correct agenda. In
short, the people who claim to be liberal and open minded have become some of
the most narrow and closed minded and illiberal people around. Some of them
scream racist and fascist at people now merely because they have a difference
of opinion from what a friend of mine called the New Orthodoxy, which I suppose
is the idea that if you aren’t an ultra politically correct roving anti racist,
anti sexist and anti homophobic champion of the oppressed, you don’t deserve to
be heard. I’m waiting next to hear of books being burnt because they aren’t
politically correct enough, or because the writer has had the temerity to hold
an original and different thought from the PC Thought Police, on their quest to
save the world from fascism and intolerance, except their own fascism and
intolerance of course.
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
God Loves Me... Even if Everyone Else thinks I’m a ****
Ah, to be cool like Steve McQueen, or Idris Elba, or Robert
de Niro, Or Al Pacino, or one of the great Shakespearean actors like Laurence
Olivier, or Paul Scofield, or one of the cool musicians like Jimi Hendrix, or
Miles Davis. Oh, to be cool like one of those fellas!!! But, alas, most of us
are not, even though we all cling to a little bit of coolness, a little bit of
mystery, a little bit of sly hipsterism. Well, most do, Well, some do. Well, I
do. Well I try to. Sometimes. Not all the time. Most days, not all.
Wednesday, 20 July 2016
Men’s Issues
What are men’s issues, what are the things important to men,
and what moves us and what are the things men often like?
Nothing in life is permanent-just when you think you’ve got
something pegged, then everything changes.
Life changes, society changes, people change, situations change and life
in all its splendour just keeps on going whatever happens.
The lucky men find in life what makes them successful or what
makes them happy, and they pursue it, and so subsequently find their thing in
life. No doubt there are many more men
who struggle to make their mark in life, still trying to figure it all our and
sometimes going from one thing to another and never quite finding just what it
is they want; that sums up me anyway.
Does God want Christian men to be stereotypes, stereotype
Christians? Are we meant to question
things, the way things are, or are we meant to just to put up and shut up? If God created us, then all the things we
are, questioning, asking, inquisitive, all these things must be from God. Why do we pretend to be what we are not, why
do we hide behind religion and religious platitudes instead of finding out who
we really are? Are we frightened of who
we really are, are we frightened of finding out the truth of who and what we
are? And, just who are we?
We’re men, in all our glorious mess, our glorious
imperfection, our wonderings, our wonderings of just who we are and what our
lives mean.
Once you feel like a loser, for whatever reason, it’s hard to
shake off the feeling and it can consume you and seem to ruin your life.
We all deserve a second chance, we all deserve another shot at
life, no matter what we’ve done or what we haven’t done.
Anyone can be a good Christian, a good neighbour if they live
in a nice, prosperous middle class suburb, but their faith isn’t really tested.
What if you don’t live in a nice prosperous middle class suburb? It’s easy to be nice if you’ve got a nice
comfortable life, surrounded by affluence and other nice people. What if you don’t have a nice comfortable
life? What happens if you’re unemployed,
or very poor and struggling, or live in a very run down area or just struggle
to make something of yourself? Are you
not Christian material then?
What sort of people did Jesus come for? Those who have it all together or those who
find they haven’t got it all together?
What sort of men does God want? Perfect men with good jobs, always smiling
and endlessly successful with film star looks?
What about men like me, a mix of all kinds of contradictory emotions,
sometimes awkward, or loners, or misfits?
Is God above dealing with people like that, people like me, people like
you? What does God want with us
anyway? Why doesn’t He leave us
alone? Weren’t we fine doing our own
thing, didn’t we get on well without Him?
Can bad men be reformed, can they become Christians? What about those men who don’t really care
one way or the other about religion, who would rather be in a pub than in a
church? Can God reach out to them? Why don’t men like going to church, why do so
many men feel it’s not for us even if we are Christians? Does organised Christianity appeal to
men? It doesn’t appeal to me
anyway. I’ve wondered about this for a
long time: just what sort of worship do we want as Christians? It seems to me
that church attendance is declining and yet no one is really asking why. Is it
because it seems so deadly dull and out of touch? What city boy wants, really wants, to go to a
traditional church, sing hymns and hear a sermon that seems to have absolutely
no relevance to them? Raising money for
church roofs, bric-a-brac sales and garden fetes are all very well, but they
are not what Christianity is really about.
Talk about crucifixion and the suffering and trials and
temptations of Jesus, and some men might relate to that. We relate to what we know, to suffering, to
hard lives, depression and sometimes the sheer injustice of life and the way
things have turned out for us. I can
relate to Jesus’ sufferings because I have suffered. Why can’t we be honest about all of this, why
do we have to hide behind all kinds of falsehood, why can’t we debate and
discuss these, and many other, issues openly and honestly? Are we supposed to keep our heads down, say
nothing, and pretend everything’s fine even when it’s obvious that it’s
not? If we’re honest, we might just find
some truth by default. And, don’t we all
want to get to the truth, after all?
So, we’re men and we have issues.
What is all this religion about? What is Christianity about? What’s with all these denominations and which
denomination is the true one anyway?
What sort of church do men want?
One that doesn’t mind our tattoos, our unshaven faces and looking like
thugs in jeans and t-shirts? Do we want a church that has a barbecue serving
steaks and ribs and burgers and a bar serving ice cold beer, with footy on the
telly? Perhaps. What we most want is something real, something that speaks to
our hearts and experience, something that makes sense to our troubled souls. What
we want is a faith that speaks to us, to our masculinity, our brokenness, our
uncertainties, our awkwardness, all the things in fact that make us men. Is
Jesus big and tough enough to deliver all this?
I think He is. Perhaps we need to ask Him.
Men are complex. We cry at some things, but not at others. We
are emotional, but usually in a negative aggressive sense. We are meant to be hard, but we ache to be
gentle and kind and caring.
Who do men identify with and want to be like? Famous footballers, rock stars past and
present, charismatic and handsome film stars from all eras, and maybe great writers
and thinkers and artists. Some of us may even identify with Jesus.
We’re all mostly ordinary men, so why do we identify with the
extraordinary, the great, the best? What’s lacking in us, for us to want to be something
out of the ordinary? We’re ordinary and we live in the mundane everyday world,
but sometimes we yearn for something bigger than us, to be something beyond us,
to be part of something bigger than we are. We want it all to mean something. That
everything isn’t by accident but that it all has a purpose, a bigger purpose
that will be made known to us.
Life is unfair. Some of us are born wealthy and affluent, and
some of us simply are not. Getting on is an issue for most men. But how are we
to approach this as Christians? Surely
we should just leave it to God, pray and hope for the best? Are we even to have ambitions to better lives
as Christian men? Surely Christians are
meant to live in poverty and just accept the circumstances they find themselves
in? Well, in the past poor people often had accept their lot in life, whilst
rich people, those wealthy or connected, could really do what they liked. We
live in more enlightened times now, and part of life for most people is getting
on, progressing, setting goals and going about trying to achieve them. But for the Christian man, where does God fit
into all of this? Is trying to be successful setting ourselves against God and
His plan for our lives? Doesn’t everyone want to get on? What about the
Christian man? I believe in every area of our lives, especially whatever it is
that we are unsure about, we should simply pray to God for help and for an answer.
Everything we do in a sense should be approved by God, but there’s no reason at
all why anyone can’t aspire to a better life, to make money, to fulfil a dream,
start a business, be a sportsman, musician, writer, shopkeeper, further a
career or simply like many of us just get a job. There seems to be an unwritten
rule, especially in England, that Christians must stay poor to be real
Christians. I’m not quite sure why. It
never seems to apply to those already wealthy or Middle and Upper class Christians
though. There is a double-standard here which we all need to move on from. Christianity
can be about empowering people, to do things they might never have dreamed of. God’s
calling on your life might very well be to serve Him in some kind of reduced
circumstances, helping others in poverty-stricken areas, but it might also be
that God wants you to enjoy abundance and be successful, providing of course
you remain true to Him and your Christian calling. It can be done.
Where do men stand with women? Where do Christian men stand with the whole
dating game? If you make a move on some
women, even if they like you, they’ll draw back from you and act like they
don’t like you. With another kind of
women, if they like you they flash their eyes at you and expect you to rush
over and break the ice. If you don’t right at that moment, they won’t usually
give you a second chance. So, what’s a man to do?
All the things we want to be good at, successful with women,
successful in general, happy, healthy, with a general sunny out outlook, yet we
often fail to live up to any of this and we feel failures. Yes, we’re men and
we have issues. You may ask ‘are we Christian men real people?’ Yes, we’re real
people, if you hit us we bleed like anyone else. Why do we cling to so
stubbornly to this faith, this belief, when often it seems to bring us no good?
For Christian men, the past represents our old life, and the
present and future represents our new Christian life.
Money! That old chestnut money. Is there more to life than
money and the making of money? Whatever
we think about it, money is something that is a big part of men’s lives, either
we have it or we don’t have it, either we’re making it or we’re not making it
and, whether we have it or not, it is the thing we most want in life, the thing
we must keep making. If we don’t have it we want it, and if we have it we want
even more of it. So, is there more to life than money? Well, there is peace,
joy, happiness, a sense of well-being and contentment, and also the idea that
we are not continually looking around the corner waiting for something better
to turn up. But, let’s be honest, we can
attain all these things anytime...can’t we? And what we all really want is
money...isn’t it? Money is what makes the world go round, and whether we like
it or not, we live in a world dominated by money, one way or the other.
Money touches all our lives. In what way should Christian men
treat money? This could be an easy
question, or not an easy question, depending on your point of view. The first answer is we should fulfil our need
before we satisfy our greed and we should be grateful for the good things in
life we already have, like a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, access to
the things in life that keep us clean and healthy and so on, and not worry so
much about whether we are wealthy. Of course, to some men, this answer might
seem a cop-out, a trite answer that just doesn’t work. I mean, don’t we all
want to get on, make money, be successful, improve our lives and have a good
quality of life and be able to buy the things we want? Most of us do, if we’re
honest but where do we draw the line?
‘I devoted myself to
study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy
burden God has laid on men!’ (Ecclesiastes 1:13)
Tuesday, 5 July 2016
Trapped In Me
Trapped in me,
Words are not enough
to explain the bittersweet emptiness I feel.
I have no friends near, no one understands… may never
understand
what it’s like to be trapped in me.
My greatest gift, and my worst curse is simply to be me, and
no one else,
and no one else can understand what it feels like to be me.
I journey strange voyages alone… I can’t get anyone to come
along.
But then, why would they?
I’m a man, or so I think.
That’s what I am supposed to be.
Loss, pain, success, thrills, glory, tears, laughs...
To everything turn, and turn again.
I’m not a poet,
and nor would I pretend to be.
I’m just trapped...
Monday, 20 June 2016
Thinning On Top?!
No, Thinning on Top is not a small
quaint village in Worcestershire somewhere (pronounced Wus-te-sha, not wussussestershishishishishi
etc) full of English stereotypes out of a Hollywood movie, I’m talking hair
here, and you know, you’ve all been running from that for a long time, haven’t
you? Time to face the truth...
Perhaps going bald is just God’s way of saying
you are losing your hair....?
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